My iPad was low on charge last night. I decided not to charge it, rather taking the decision to charge it during my lecture and seminar the next day.
So, I arrived in class early and plugged it in.
Friends and classmates started arriving sporadically, chatting and chatting some more, sitting themselves down around the classroom. None of them sitting near me.
As a person who has very few friends in life and as someone who has experienced complete abandonment, being left by myself while everyone is chatting eagerly around me is a very distracting, deep, and heavy feeling. It's a feeling that has been reinforced repeatedly and further exposure to it affects me emotionally.
I must put on a happy face. I don't feel happy. I feel horrible right now. I need to know specifically what it is that I give off that repels people so much. I know that I try to be friendly, courteous and considerate. Even generous. So why does this keep happening to me?
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