Favourite Sitcoms

1- Blackadder

2- Fawlty Towers

3- The Simpsons

4- Red Dwarf

5- Friends

6- Spaced

7- Family Guy

8- The Young Ones

9- South Park

10- Cheers

My Favourite Songs

1- Mystified by Fleetwood Mac

2- No Surprises by Radiohead

3- Two Knights & Maidens by Crash Test Dummies

4- Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers

5- Just Like a Pill by P!nk

6- Vienna by Ultravox

7- Flowers in the Window by Travis

8- Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners

9- Teardrop by Massive Attack

10- New in Town by Little Boots

The Best Films Ever Made

1- Saving Private Ryan

2- Schindler's List

3- The Shawshank Redemption

4- Forrest Gump

5- O Brother, Where Art thou?

6- The Green Mile

7- Finding Nemo

8- Star Wars- Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

9- Se7en

10- Shaun of the Dead

People to be suspicious of:

1- men who like cats

2- men who drive nissan micras

3- women who use the word 'mate' and men who call women 'mate'. hey, they're above all this boy/girl stuff. we're all the same, right?

4- anyone who gets offended by the words 'boyfriend/girlfriend' and will only use the word 'partner'

5- people who hate the country they were raised in without realising it's actually the government they should be despising--- your country can't help the weather it has.

6- people who knowingly perpetuate their parents' damage without trying to overcome it themselves

7- people who dislike you without knowing why

8- people who write judgmental lists

9- people who like richard gere, or leonardo dicaprio. richard gere has always been up his own arse and dicaprio gets worse as he gets older- he tries too hard. emma thompson wanted british troops to die during the gulf war and mickey rourke gave money to the IRA.

10- people whose taste is genre specific, ie they only like heavy metal/ punk/ horror/ romcom/courtroom novels etc etc. open your eyes and broaden your mind

Don't Worry. Be Happy.

Take the photo quickly before anyone sees you taking a photo of yourself. Strain the smile as best you can. Hurry!!!

Just take the photo yourself.

It's a safe bet the one your mate took was shit... it was.

Pretend to be happy. You're out of the house.

At least the smile looks like a happy one.

Not worried about pretending anymore

It's catharsis Jim, but not as we know it

i wish i could cry

i have this pain in my head

there's a death inside me

i grieve every day

i spoke to someone two days ago

it was over a week before that

a woman apologised to me in a shop

i gave her a look and let her be

i have no time for triviality in public

"i'm coming to visit you next month."

a friend is coming to visit

ten days since since she replied

i asked a friend to the cinema

she told me about her life

but didn't answer my question

who shall i be rejected by next?

so many decisions to make

i'm the youngest of six

and i'm a ****** ****** of *****

i've lost everyone i ever loved

and i can't deal with the pain

i crave distractions

i am need- despair- loss---

tell me something more unattractive than these

don't give me compliments about things i am not

don't give me pity- it's like a kick in the teeth

don't tell me i'm a contradiction

and don't tell me i've got things wrong

i look for a girlfriend- i'm told not to look

i don't look for a girlfriend- i'm told to get out there and look

i'm told i'm lucky- i have my health

i don't speak of malaise

i'm told others have it worse than me

i'm not in competition with them

i'm told to forget about the past

but i'm not asking for advice

you ask me a question, i'll answer with honesty

you can ask the wrong question, but, respectfully, just once

if the question is painful it'll hurt me, so let's forget and carry on

i'm not going into the details of the agony i feel

trust me, it doesn't help

it's a scab on a wound

if it's knocked it's painful

if it's opened it will take longer to heal

the scar will always be there

i feel like i'm weeping all the time

but the tears have dried up

it's a feeling inside my head and my heart

I see a heartbeat, doctor.

Wondering what to do this evening:

Which button should i click?

Watch something i haven't seen yet?

Or eat till i feel sick?

I could sit and watch the telly:

Nothing live of course you see.

I could play a hundred games online,

Or watch a film already seen.

I could drive my car to Asda,

Or have another cup of tea.

I could think about the chippy,

But i've only got 3p.

I'll sit and watch the the newsreel

And hope i get some mail.

I'll look at things i've written-

Resist the urge to wail.

I know just what i'll do now:

I'll quietly sit and wait-

And hope the time flies by real fast

Until my heart stops beating...

Six degrees of retardation

I smiled as i lay

In the sun by the pool,

The humidity's high

But the air-con was cool

I walked in the rain

But i'd had some good news

The promotion was coming

My life was on cruise

I lay on the beach

I surfed in the sea

I thought of my brother

I'd soon again see

Ich gesagt, "guten Morgen."

Willkomen, Tschuß.

In Elmpt ich gewohnt

But the wheel it came loose

I fought to be happy

Was battered and bruised

My loved ones i loved

My loved ones i'd lose

My life is existence

It repeats everyday

I try very hard

I pretend i'm okay

After Midnight

I'm shit at poems:

I just can't get it right.

I read other people's and wonder why i can't do it myself:

I'm articulate and verbose.

See, that proves i'm articulate and verbose.

So, why can't i write poems?

But i'm writing this now after writing a few.

Maybe this is to cover my arse.

Maybe i should make it rhyme.

Or it'll sound like a farce.

Maybe i just want acceptance,

But if that were true,

I wouldn't finish by saying,

"Up yours," and "Fuck you."

Can't think of a title...

i reply too quickly;

don't want to offend.

i reply too quickly;

why not, i'm your friend.

i reply too quickly;

it makes me look weak.

i reply too quickly;

it takes you a week!

i reply too quickly;

must be tiring to read.

i reply too quickly;

more depth: less speed.

i reply too quickly;

i like it to flow.

i reply too quickly;

where did you go?

Perennial Drought

Resilience is a well.

Well needs water: the other- love.

No rain- well runs dry...

My Intimate Circle

I know my best friend well.

I see him every day.

He looks like me.

We have the same birthday.

Too many hours in the day - and - whatever.

My journey has slowed to a crawl.

I sit on the verge and watch the traffic fly by.

The engine has long since died:
The seals have perished;

The pistons blown;
The headlights dim.

The oil on the road i left behind,
My breakdown laid bare for all to see.
I feel their glare as they judge me.
I should care, but i don't anymore.


I look up to the sky for inspiration.
I look around for a friend.

Just for a while is okay.
You can pretend, i don't mind.

"Help me someone.
Just a few miles.
I'm alone. i need help.
I'll be no trouble, i swear!"

"And if our destinations are far apart
If you will leave these shores to find your home
If you're just a visitor and you have far to go
Take care and be safe."

"But if you don't mind
And if you'll allow,
I'll pay you a visit.
I'm good at languages you see."

I may go astray on the way,

I may take a wrong turn from time to time,

But while i sit here alone i'm lost,
On my travels i'm found i recall.

My mind is captive in my land.
My heart was destroyed long ago.
So please, tether my soul to your fastest ship,
Hoist the mainsail, raise the anchor and help me live again.