It's catharsis Jim, but not as we know it

i wish i could cry

i have this pain in my head

there's a death inside me

i grieve every day

i spoke to someone two days ago

it was over a week before that

a woman apologised to me in a shop

i gave her a look and let her be

i have no time for triviality in public

"i'm coming to visit you next month."

a friend is coming to visit

ten days since since she replied

i asked a friend to the cinema

she told me about her life

but didn't answer my question

who shall i be rejected by next?

so many decisions to make

i'm the youngest of six

and i'm a ****** ****** of *****

i've lost everyone i ever loved

and i can't deal with the pain

i crave distractions

i am need- despair- loss---

tell me something more unattractive than these

don't give me compliments about things i am not

don't give me pity- it's like a kick in the teeth

don't tell me i'm a contradiction

and don't tell me i've got things wrong

i look for a girlfriend- i'm told not to look

i don't look for a girlfriend- i'm told to get out there and look

i'm told i'm lucky- i have my health

i don't speak of malaise

i'm told others have it worse than me

i'm not in competition with them

i'm told to forget about the past

but i'm not asking for advice

you ask me a question, i'll answer with honesty

you can ask the wrong question, but, respectfully, just once

if the question is painful it'll hurt me, so let's forget and carry on

i'm not going into the details of the agony i feel

trust me, it doesn't help

it's a scab on a wound

if it's knocked it's painful

if it's opened it will take longer to heal

the scar will always be there

i feel like i'm weeping all the time

but the tears have dried up

it's a feeling inside my head and my heart