Reboot

When I thought about the title of this quick post, I thought I should call it 'Reset'. But that wouldn't be right. 'Reset' would mean that everything is the same about me and I have another go. That's not what I want. I want change. Change in me. About who I am. I want a reboot. I want it all to start again and I want changes in the aesthetics of who I am. I want to look different. I don't necessarily want to be more handsome. Let's say for a second that my attractiveness to others (physically) is the same as it is now. I don't find myself attractive and the amount of people who find me attractive, from my experience, is very limited. What I want to change is my height, which is something I had no control over, and the way my face hangs when I'm minding my own business and not thinking about a thing. My height, let's not ask for too much, but an extra five inches would still class me as someone who is short (ish), but I would not be looked on as something less than others because of it. The way my face hangs, I just don't want to look like I'm miserable/angry/confused when I'm not feeling a thing. After a while, I found that this has taken its toll on me. If I could ask for something else, it would be a different voice. My voice is low, quiet and monotone. Boring would be a better way of putting it. Without ever doing anything wrong, I've ended up a very short, very miserable looking, very droning bore. And it's defeated me. I've ended up very lonely and very sad. These have also ended up making me even less attractive to others. It's exhausting to try to tread water just so I can keep my lips above the lapping waves and I feel that the battle has almost got the better of me. I want a reboot.