Flight

Between March 1995 and April 2003 I was subjected to relentless physical, mental and emotional abuse. After 2003, the abuse became more or less solely emotional abuse (due to now being away from my abuser) until April 2006 when the abuse became extreme leaving me with a permanent feeling of grief (which I still have to deal with to this day).
Between 1995 and 2002 my wife tried to kill me twice, on the second attempt I had to catch her arm as she swung a meat cleaver towards the top of my skull. I then had claims of attempted murderer, wife-beater, child abuser, paedophile and negligent father made against me.
By December 2007 I had attempted suicide once. Sometime around 2008 I developed a twitch and during a seven month period that year I had no human contact apart from walking past the odd person in the supermarket at 2am. If I had died in March 2008 my body would only have been discovered in October that year by the housing rental inspector. By February 2009 I had attempted suicide twice. I failed in both my attempts at suicide due to not having the courage to finish the act off. I began crossing the road without looking to see if there was traffic coming in the hopes I could commit suicide without having to do the hard work myself.
In 2011 I sold all my belongings and cycled to the highlands of Scotland in the hope I would be hit by a lorry but at least it would've been in a beautiful place.
In 2014, before I started university I had a total of around five minutes of conversation all year. During our four months off between Year 1 and Year 2 I had no conversations with anyone.
During the twenty years I have briefly gone over I have yelled at (to my memory) 6 people in work and other places and either lost my job or had my credibility seriously dented because of losing my temper. I cannot control this anxiety I feel and neither can the doctors, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists or cognitive behavioural therapists. I have never been violent (not even when the violence was aimed against me). It isn't in my nature, especially against women. I don't even get angry when people are being violent or aggressive towards me. I just get angry when people take away my control. I have two choices when it happens: fight or flight. On Friday I chose flight. I think it is the better option for me.