Exhaustion

My first two weeks in University has been a cacophony of confused celebration and exhausted emotions. I'm trying to make a creative sentence, but am sounding muddled and pretentious. I need to start using a different word to pretentious. I use it too much.

The stress of not having a child minder and thinking I will have to give up my place at university is excruciating. I've shown signs of intelligence above others, but my poor hearing has lessened my chance to improve on this and my overzealous and ignorant use of the university website has caused me to feel embarrassment in front of the younger students. I don't feel like I fit in. Then again, I never fit in anywhere. But I want to. I want to make a friend. A person with whom I can be close and share things, especially humour and emotional issues. But that doesn't look likely after experiencing a few weeks in their company. I haven't connected with anyone. I want a peer, but I don't feel like there are any peers with whom I'd like to allow in or whom would like to allow me in. In short, I need someone who shares my sense of humour, whom I respect, who is messed up, but also has the wisdom to know they have to listen too in order to have a rewarding friendship. That doesn't seem likely. Ideally it would also be a women whom I find attractive and who could find me attractive once I lose weight.

Also, I chatted with an American, but guess what---- he doesn't like baseball. FUCK!!!